There was a time I thought emotional numbness was just part of being strong. The truth? I had no idea I was numb.
I had become a pro at pushing through—smiling when I was exhausted, showing up for everyone else while quietly fading into the background of my own life. I didn’t call it burnout. I called it showing up. I called it being there for the people I care about.
I didn’t realize I was just surviving.
But looking back, I see how slowly and silently I had disconnected from my own heart.
The day I cleaned Mr. Zeddy’s body alone after he passed, I didn’t cry. I didn’t pause. I just moved on to the next patient. It took two whole days for the weight of that moment to catch up with me.
And when it did, I asked myself questions that shook me:
Am I numb? Who have I become?
And how long have I been like this?
That moment became the beginning of a quiet but powerful healing journey.
It wasn’t loud or dramatic. It came in gentle waves.
And today, I want to share four simple things that helped me start feeling again.
1. I Started with the Smallest Acts of Care
I began by doing something I hadn’t prioritized in a long time: getting regular manicures and pedicures. But it wasn’t just about the polish—it was about creating a ritual.
I would plan the whole experience in advance: the color I’d choose, what I’d do before and after, even picking up my favorite cup of coffee on the way. I made it a point to be present—to sit still and let someone care for me.
Afterward, I’d admire the work. Sometimes I’d even take pictures just to keep that little celebration for myself.
2. I Reconnected with Nature and My Body
I started going outside—walking, running, moving. I’d listen to whatever felt nourishing at the time, whether music, podcasts, or just the wind. Eventually, I joined a gym.
Workouts became fun again—especially in the mornings. It became a gift to myself, not a punishment. And with every drop of sweat, I felt my body—and my spirit—start to come back online.
3. I Changed How I Spoke to Myself
As I became more mindful of what I was eating and how much water I was drinking, I noticed something else: I was still being hard on myself. I kept getting stuck in cycles of inconsistency and procrastination.
But criticizing myself didn’t make me better. It kept me stuck.
So I started writing. I wrote down what I was grateful for. I reflected on my day.
And slowly, I began to see myself.
I started to notice the effort I was putting in, the wins I was collecting, the progress I wasn’t giving myself credit for.
Living in survival mode had made me treat myself like a battery-free, wireless robot—always on, never resting. But that’s not what I am. That’s not what you are.
4. I Returned to Prayer and Scripture
One of the most grounding shifts I made was returning to prayer and listening to scripture regularly. Some mornings, I didn’t have the words—but the Word had me.
Even while driving, cooking, or walking, I’d play Psalms, Proverbs, or sermons that poured truth and life into my spirit. It reminded me that healing isn’t only physical or emotional—it’s deeply spiritual. And I needed that connection.
If You’re Feeling Numb Too…
Please hear this: you’re not broken. You’re just tired.
And you’re allowed to slow down. You’re allowed to feel again.
Healing doesn’t always look like a breakthrough. Sometimes, it looks like a quiet walk, a fresh coat of nail polish, or a whispered affirmation that says: I am still here.
